Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
