well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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