the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
