There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
