Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
