We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
