Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
