I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
