You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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