I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
