New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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