True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
