Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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