guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
