I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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