He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
