who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize