If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
