New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
