Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
