Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How's work?
Spinning.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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