By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize