He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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