you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
