wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
