If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
