Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize