he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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