There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
