No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
