I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize