Swine flu. Run for my life!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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