does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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