I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
