I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
4 words: hood of his car
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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