Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
