no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
