do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
