I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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