I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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