just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
