you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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