he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
