im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
