Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
