I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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