first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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