Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i think i just lost a toe
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
