He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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