Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
