I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
