you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
