Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
