oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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