Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
