That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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