apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
