i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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