I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
