is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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