You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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