Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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