I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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