I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
