just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
