About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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