Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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