just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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