First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
