I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
