A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
