he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
