I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need water and some morals
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
