Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
