he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
