Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My dick has a subreddit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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